Rage had been swallowed

never went to Ashley’s mill. Nor did she go to the lumber-yard office when she thought hewould be there. She knew he was avoiding her, knew that her constant presence in his house, atMelanie’s inescapable invitations, was a torment to him. They never spoke alone and she wasdesperate to question him. She wanted to know whether he now hated her and exactly what he hadtold Melanie, but he held her atarm’s length and silently pleaded with her not to speak. The sightof his face, old, haggard with remorse, added to her load, and the fact that his mill lost moneyevery week was an extra irritant which she could not voice.
His helplessness in the face of the present situation irked her. She did not know what he coulddo to better matters but she felt that he should do something. Rhett would have done something.
Rhett always did something, even if it was the wrong thing, and she unwillingly respected him forit.
Now that her first rage at Rhett and his insults had passed, she began to miss him and she missedhim more and more as days went by without news of him. Out of the welter of rapture and angerand heartbreak and hurt pride that he had left, depression emerged to sit upon her shoulder like acarrion crow. She missed him, missed his light flippant touch in anecdotes that made her shoutwith laughter, his sardonic grin that reduced troubles to their proper proportions, missed even hisjeers that stung her to angry retort. Most of all she missed having him to tell things to. Rhett was sosatisfactory in that respect She could recount shamelessly and with pride how she had skinned people out of their eyeteeth and he would applaud. And if she even mentioned such things to otherpeople they were shocked.
She was lonely without him and Bonnie. She missed the child more than she had thoughtpossible. Remembering the last harsh words Rhett had hurled at her about Wade and Ella, she triedto fill in some of her empty hours with them. But it was no use. Rhett’s words and the children’sreactions opened her eyes to a startling, a galling truth. During the babyhood of each child she hadbeen too busy, too worried with money matters, too sharp and easily vexed, to win their confidenceor affection. And now, it was either too late or she did not have the patience or the wisdom topenetrate their small secretive hearts.
Ella! It annoyed Scarlett to realize that Ella was a silly child but she undoubtedly was. Shecouldn’t keep her little mind on one subject any longer than a bud could stay on one twig and evenwhen Scarlett tried to tell her stories, Ella went off at childish tangents, interrupting with questionsabout matters that had nothing to do with the story and forgetting what she had asked long beforeScarlett could get the explanation out of her mouth. And as for Wade—perhaps Rhett was rightPerh cheap ghd straighteners aps he was afraid of her. That was odd and it hurt her. Why should her own boy, her only boy,be afraid of her? When she tried to draw him out in talk, he looked at her with Charles’ soft browneyes and squirmed and twisted his feet in embarrassment. But with Melanie, he bubbled over withtalk and brought from his pocket everything from fishing worms to old strings to show her.
Melanie had a way with brats. There was no getting around it. Her own little Beau was the bestbehaved and most lovable child in Atlanta. Scarlett got on better with him than she did with herown son because little Beau had no self-consciousness where grown people were concerned andclimbed on her knee, uninvited, whenever he saw her. What a beautiful blond boy he was, just likeAshley! Now if only Wade were like Beau— Of course, the reason Melanie could do so much withhim was that she had only one child and she hadn’t had to worry and work as Scarlett had. At leastScarlett tried to excuse herself that way but honesty forced her to admit that Melanie loved childrenand wou heap ghd hair straighteners uk ld have welcomed a dozen. And the overbrimming affection she had was poured outon Wade and the neighbors’ broods.
Scarlett would never forget the shock of the day she drove by Melanie’s house to pick up Wadeand heard, as she came up the front walk, the sound of her son’s voice raised in a very fairimitation of the Rebel Yell—Wade who was always as still as a mouse at home. And manfullyseconding Wade’s yell was the shrill piping of Beau. cheap ghd straighteners next day delivery When she had walked into the sitting roomshe had found the two charging at the sofa with wooden swords. They had hushed abashed as sheentered and Melanie had arisen, laughing and clutching at hairpins and flying curls from where shewas crouching behind the sofa.
“It’s Gettysburg,” she explained. “And I’m the Yankees and I’ve gotten the worst of it. This isGeneral Lee,” pointing to Beau, “and this is General Pickett,” putting an arm about Wade’sshoulder.
Yes, Melanie had a way with children that Scarlett could never fathom.
“At least,” she thought, “Bonnie loves me and likes to play with me.” But honesty forced her toadmit that Bonnie infinitely preferred Rhett to her. And perhaps she would never see Bonnie again.
For all she knew, Rhett might be in Persia or Egypt and intending to stay there forever.
When Dr. Meade told her she was pregnant, she was astounded, for Cheap ghds she had been expecting adiagnosis of biliousness and over-wrought nerves. Then her mind fled back to that wild night andher face went crimson at the memory. So a child was coming from those moments of high rapture—even if the memory of the rapture was dimmed by what followed. And for the first time she wasglad that she was going to have a child. If it were only a boy! A fine boy, not a spiritless littlecreature like Wade. How she would care for him! Now that she had the leisure to devote to a babyand the money to smooth his path, how happy she would be! She had an impulse to write to Rhettin care of his mother in Charleston and tell him. Good Heavens, he must come home now!
Suppose he stayed away till after the baby was born! She could never explain that! But if she wrotehim he’d think she wanted him to come home and he would be amused. And he mustn’t ever thinkshe wanted him or needed him.
She was very glad she had sti cheap ghd air fled this impulse when her first news of Rhett came in a letter fromAunt Pauline in Charleston where, it seemed, Rhett was visiting his mother. What a relief to knowhe was still in the United States, even if Aunt Pauline’s letter was infuriating. Rhett had broughtBonnie to see her and Aunt Eulalie and the letter was full of praise.
“Such a little beauty! When she grows up she will certainly be a belle. But I suppose you knowthat any man who courts her will have a tussle with Captain Butler, for I never saw such a devotedfather. Now, my dear, I wish to confess something. Until I met Captain Butler, I felt that yourmarriage with him had been a dreadful mesalliance for, of course, no one in Charleston hearsanything good about him and everyone is so sorry for his family. In fact, Eulalie and I wereuncertain as to whether or not we should receive him—but, after all, the dear child is our great-niece. When he came, were pleasantly surprised, most pleasantly, and realized how un-Christianitistocreditidleg(we) ossip. For he is most c cheap ghd flat iron harming. Quite handsome, too, we thought, andso very grave and courteous. And so devoted to you and the child.
“And now, my dear, I must write you of something that has come to our ears—somethingEulalie and I were loath to believe at first. We had heard, of course, that you sometimes did aboutat the store that Mr. Kennedy had left you. We had heard rumors but, of course, we denied them.
We realized that in th ghd straighteners ose first dreadful days after the war, it was perhaps necessary, conditionsbeing what they were. But there is no necessity now for such conduct on your part, as I knowCaptain Butler is in quite comfortable circumstances and is, moreover, fully capable of managingfor you any business and property you may own. We had to know the truth of these rumors andwere forced to ask Captain Butler point-blank questions which was most distressing to all of us.
“With reluctance he told us that you spent your mornings at the store and would permit no oneelse to do the bookkeeping. He also admitted that you had some interest in a mill or mills (we didnot press him on this, being most upset at this information which was news to us) that necessitatedyour riding about alone, or attended by a ruffian who, Captain Butler assures us, is a murd Cheap GHD Straighteners erer. Wecould see how this wrung his heart and think he must be a most indulgent—in fact, a far tooindulgent husband. Scarlett, this must stop. Your mother is not here to command you and I must doit in her place. Think how your little children will feel when they grow older and realize that youwere in trade! How mortified they will be to know that you exposed yourself to the insults of rudemen and the dangers of careless gossip in attending to mills. Such unwomanly—”
Scarlett flung down the letter unfinished, with an oath. She could just see Aunt Pauline and Aunt Eulalie sitting in judgment on her in the crumbling house on the Battery with little between themand starvation except what she, Scarlett, sent them every month. Unwomanly? By God, if shehadn’t been unwomanly Aunt Pauline and Aunt Eulalie probably wouldn’t have ghd outlet a roof over theirheads this very moment. And damn Rhett for telling them about the store and the bookkeeping andthe mills! Reluctant, was he? She knew very well the joy he took in palming himself off on the oldladies as grave, courteous and charming, the devoted husband and father. How he must have lovedharrowing them with descriptions of her activities with the store, the mills, the saloon. What adevil he was. Why did such perverse things give him such pleasure?
But soon, even this rage passed into apathy. So much of the keen zest had gone out of liferecently. If only she could recapture the thrill and the glow of Ashley—if only Rhett would comehome and make her laugh.
They were home again, without warning. The first intimation of their return was the sound ofluggage being thumped on the front-hall floor and Bonnie’s cheap ghds voice crying, “Mother!”
Scarlett hurried from her room to the top of the stairs and saw her daughter stretching her shortplump legs in an effort to climb the steps. A resigned striped kitten was clutched to her breast.
“Gran’ma gave him to me,” she cried excitedly, holding the kitten out by the scruff.
Scarlett swept her up into her arms and kissed her, thankful that the child’s presence spared herher first meeting alone with Rhett Looking over Bonnie’s head, she saw him in the hall below,paying the cab driver. He looked up, saw her and swept off his hat in a wide gesture, bowing as hedid. When she met his dark eyes, her heart leaped. No matter what he was, no matter what he haddone, he was home and she was glad.
“Where’s Mammy?” asked Bonnie, wriggling in Scarlett’s grasp and she reluctantly set the childon her fe cheap ghd wide plate straighteners etIt was going to be more difficult than she anticipated, greeting Rhett with just the proper degreeof casualness and, as for telling him about the new baby! She looked at his face as he came up thesteps, that dark nonchalant face, so impervious, so blank. No, she’d wait to tell him. She couldn’ttell him right away. And yet, such tidings as these belonged first to a husband, for a husband wasalways happy to hear them. But she did not think he would be happy about it.
She stood on the landing, leaning against the banisters and wondered if he would kiss her. Buthe did not. He said only: “You are looking pale, Mrs. Butler. Is there a rouge shortage?”
No word of missing her, even if he didn’t mean it. And he might have at least kissed her in frontof Mammy who, after bobbing a curtsy, was leading Bonnie away down the hall t cheap ghd straighteners £50 o the nursery. Hestood beside her on the landing, his eyes appraising her carelessly.
“Can this wanness mean that you’ve been missing me?” he questioned and though his lipssmiled, his eyes did not.
So that was going to be his attitude. He was going to be as hateful as ever. Suddenly the childshe was carrying became a nauseating burden instead of something she had gladly carried, and thisman before her, standing carelessly with his wide Panama hat upon his hip, her bitterest foe, the cause of all her troubles. There was venom in her eyes as she answered, venom that was toounmistakable to be missed, and the smile went from his face.
“If I’m pale it’s your fault and not because I’ve missed you, you conceited thing. It’s because—”
Oh, she hadn’t intended to tell him like this but the hot words rushed to her lips and sh Cheap GHD Straighteners – Cheap ghds UK Sale e flung themat him, careless of the servants who might hear. “It’s because I’m going to have a baby!”
He sucked in his breath suddenly and his eyes went rapidly over her. He took a quick steptoward her as though to put a hand on her arm but she twisted away from him, and before the hatein her eyes his face hardened.
“Indeed!” he said coolly. “Well, who’s the happy father? Ashley?”
She clutched the newel post until the ears of the carved lion dug with sudden pain into her palm.
Even she who knew him so well had not anticipated this insult. Of course, he was joking but therewere some jokes too monstrous to be borne. She wanted to rake her sharp nails across his eyes andblot out that queer light in them.
“Damn you!” she began, her voice shaking with sick rage. “You—you know it’s yours. And Idon’t want it any more than you do. No—no woman would want the children of a cad like you. Iwish— Oh, God, I wish it was anybody’s baby but yours!”
She saw his swarthy face change suddenly, anger and something she could not analyze making ittwitch as though stung.
“There!” she thought in a hot rage of pleasure. “There! I’ve hurt him now!”
But the old impassive mask was back across his face and he stroked one side of his mustache.
“Cheer up,” he said, turning from her and starting up the stairs, “maybe you’ll have amiscarriage.”
For a dizzy moment she thought what childbearing meant, the nausea that tore her, the tediouswaiting, the thickening of her figure, the hours of pain. Things no man could ever realize. And hedared to joke. She would claw him. Nothing but the sight of blood upon his dark face would easethis pain in her heart. She lunged for him, swift as a cat, but with, a light startled movement, hesidestepped, throwing up his arm to ward her off. She was standing on the edge of the freshlywaxed top step, and as her arm with the whole weight of her body behind it, struck his out-thrustarm, she lost her balance. She made a wild clutch for the newel post and missed it. She went downthe stairs backwards, feeling a sickening dart of pain in her ribs as she landed. And, too dazed tocatch herself, she rolled over and over to the bottom of the flight.
It was the first time Scarlett had ever been ill, except when she had her babies, and somehowthose times did not count. She had not been forlorn and frightened then, as she was now, weak andpain racked and bewildered. She knew she was sicker than they dared tell her, feebly realized thatshe might die. The broken rib stabbed when she breathed, her bruised face and head ached and herwhole body was given over to demons who plucked at her with hot pinchers and sawed on her withdull knives and left her, for short intervals, so drained of strength that she could not regain grip onherself before they returned. No, childbirth had not been like this. She had been able to eat hearty meals two hours after Wade and Ella and Bonnie had been born, but now the thought of anythingbut cool water brought on feeble nausea.
How easy it was to have a child and how painful not to have one! Strange, what a pang it hadbeen even in her pain, to know that she would not have this child. Stranger still that it should havebeen the first child she really wanted. She tried to think why she wanted it but her mind was tootired. Her mind was too tired to think of anything except fear of death. Death was in the room andshe had no strength to confront it, to fight it back and she was frightened. She wanted someonestrong to stand by her and hold her hand and fight off death until enough strength came back forher to do her own fighting.
Rage had been swallowed up in pain and she wanted Rhett. But he was not there and she couldnot bring herself to ask for him.
Her last memory of him was how he looke

Parašykite komentarą

El. pašto adresas nebus skelbiamas. Būtini laukeliai pažymėti *